The Thoughts of a Quiet One...

damen.. dad... mommy...

2010-04-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

so damen has been sick with an ear infection for over two weeks. i thought it was gone but aparently the anabiotic was not strong enough. We started a stronger one giving damen diarrhea, bu thopefully it is finally going away for real. anyways..
i have been trying to contact his father and he will not answer or return any calls or texts. even knowing that i needed him for health reasons, trying to see if he had any allergies to medications, his health history and all allergies. finally today he finally responded to me via text. saying pretty much i am a beat mom because i went for child support. um no, i was not getting any help from him. its not like he comes and helps with damen. he has only seen him twice. both times i came down there.

ok to the main point...
so he texts me saying its my fault that he does not have a dad. and damen lost out on a dad because of me and the money he does give me (which has only happened once) is damens daddy.

well guess what, damen has the best daddy in the world. any idiot can become a father, but only a man can be a dad. he has one that loves both of us more than the world. damen and i are very lucky. so you know what yea, hes missing out on having a jerk in his life. he does not need that. damen deserves the world and to be loved! so he can blow it.

public restrooms

2010-04-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

so have you ever noticed how gross public restrooms are. they are o so disgusting! however its even worse when you have an infant or toddler with you cuz then you have to put them down n just their shoes touching the floor makes me want to puke. *for the record, i hate public bathrooms, they are gross n smelly n like always have pee on the seats* however today i was working (i drive for my job) and really had to pee so finally i was like fine ill go to sheetz. eww a gas station of all places. well i went in there and they had this lil seat thing to strap lil wee ones in in the stall with you. how clever. and how come they only have this in a sheetz bathroom.. its one of the biggest advoidences ever. i only go there if i think i am going to pee my pants if` not lol.

its been a really long time...

2010-04-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

wow, its been forever. i have needed to blog for a very long time. its nice to get stuff off your chest. and i guess it helps you clear your thoughts.

so here it goes....

in the past few months lots have changed. jobs, house, car and friends. I moved on from my resident manager job having to go through lots and didnt want to juggle work, work and family and baby daddy stuff. the butler office closed so i no longer got to be a receptionist. i stopped dating dumb guys and went on this blind date... that i cant believe that i went on. and i absolutely love him i could not be happier. I moved in with him and his family. its quite a houseful but it is awesome. its nice to do a family life and support around me. Damen is getting quite big, growing like no other.

ok so im just rambaling.. lol cant help it.

hmmm tanning.. i need to do that.

ok so anyways we all live here n its awesome, n the big ole town in boonieville lol. its cool and nice like no neighbors. SWEET! i now ride the quad and mini-bike. it is really cool.

I am now working as an ambulance and stretcher van driver just part time. it is nmice cuz i get to spend lots of time with damen. its awesome!

i want to watch csi miami..

and need desperate housewives season 3.

i have become really random. i have become me again. i am soo happy. im done typing. ill type in depth tomo.

scandalous <3

2009-11-03T18:59:00.000-08:00

so i have been thinking reciently.. and i am starting to realize i have become quite scandalous. not in a bad public kind of way, but more in the BOY department. i say boy because i have yet to meet a MAN. now this isnt a good thing, but it isnt quite bad either. im just being the same that guys have done to me, except not so bad. sure, you can have my number, take me to get some drinks, BUT we do stuff on my terms. *please note, these are not the good hearted caring boys* ill answer my phone if i want to answer and ill hang out with you when i feel like it. i dont show affection and i ask for it.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT...

Now, they want to. they want to be the good guy. they act a little nicer and show a little more affection. its amazing what happens and how that works.

its amazing how it works this way. a woman i highly look up to taught me this. she said 'carla, youll be suprised what rejection does to people. guys can dish it out, but they cant handle when its done to them.' WHAT A WISE WOMAN.

right now i am working on myself. i am becoming a better person, messin up here and there but im learning from it. i dont want a boy. i want a man. a man who will treat me well and i woulnt settle for less!

scandalous.

ima do me...

2009-10-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

im so sick of assholes! omg! im sick of tryin to make ppl happy n them just not appreciating it. Damn i m so sick of baby daddy drama. wow ppl are right, im dumb, youre an asshole. i would love to collect child support, but i aint havin you have my baby for a couple months. no hoe is watchin my son... your commitment. f.u.
imma do me
im startin over. startin fresh..
new city, maybe state (once i work for a bit)
new attitude.
new job,
school.
new everything.
i just dont care anymore. im done caring for others and bendin over backwards. im just doin wat makes me happy from now on. yea, its selfish, but im okay with that.

so there are some things i guess you cant ask...

2009-08-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

so i now know you should never ask...
'if i found out if i was preg would you still talk ot me?'

lol well it was an interesting convo... but something to think about...

why does race really matter...

2009-07-31T21:50:00.001-07:00

touchy subject i know. but it doesnt bother me, obviously.

hmm... where to start. i sit here pondering my feelings, my thoughts, my urges. and i come to realize maybe this is what i want.
[[[roadblock]]] hes black.
this doesnt phase me i dont care what race.. however my family cares too much. im not sure what to do. i mean some people say just do what you want. and i did that before with damens father... but then i lose my family. i just hate this... why do people have to be rude. hes smart, nice, funny, working towards his masters degree, likes my son, me... what more could i ask for.
doing this is hard... it means no more family get togethers, no more family dinners, no more anything. im not going to leave him home to go to thanksgiving with my family cuz he is not welcome. thats just rude. i want to talk to him about it but im scared to. its not my fault my family is like that and i really wish i could change it, however, i cant.

i just pray for guidance and wisdom on this. if you have any thoughts please do share.

downhill...

2009-06-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

so sometimes life feels like its going downhill. everything bad is happening and life just woulnt slow down. i realize this. and i realize you know what, God has a plan. Things happen for a reason, its to change something. it might be bad now but it will change for the better. either its teaching us something or we have to go through this for the end result to happen. sometimes everything bad happens and i just take a deep breath n think 'it ok, I got this, He (god) got it under control' and it makes me feel better. and it makes me stress less about whats going on. its a nice feeling to believe and to trust.
so last week was crappy. but its good that it happened and i found stuff out, cuz now i can learn from it, change it up and move on.

the def of carla...

2009-06-23T06:14:00.000-07:00

Carla :
324 up, 13 down
An admirably smart and beautiful woman who is also classy and good humored. Cheerful, bubbly and happy. Most importantly, is good hearted and has great intentions. *Passionate and loving. Person who does not realize how gorgeous she is. Good dancer. Loves to please others. Note: Aggressive at times. Also, shorter than most.
The only thing I want is to have a Carla in my life. Girl: "I wish my hair looked like Carla's

intelligent beautiful funny short girl loving endearing lover great legs nice booty.

this was in urban dictionary, i think its me to a t... idk bout the short part.. maybe shorter then most guys

i want my life back

2009-06-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

i know it sounds greedy and i know it sounds selfish, but i want my life back. i no longer have a life. i cant go out when i want, i cant even do what i want. i cant afford daycare, i mean i have like 3 friends who help out n watch damen, but i feel like im putting a burden on them. and my one girl friend who always helps me out goes to training in less then a month. idk i would just like some me time. i can usually find a sitter for when i work (which is like a whole 2 days a week) and when i have a planned event coming up (usually mom will help for that ex. the wedding this sat) but i can never find a sitter for me just to relax n have fun or even just clean. i love him, he's my world... its just i never planned on being a single mom... i was engaged... i kinda thought things would end dif. not me spending all my money on formula wipes and diapers. not that i mind, but it just doesnt give me a lot of money for stuff.
its just irritating. his brother gets help... but he dont. maybe its cuz i dont holler and nag and curse him out like the other one does...
i want to be able to be like 'hey, im runnin to the store, keep an eye on him will you' but i cant. cuz im by myself.
idk, i dont mean to vent im just sick of it, im sick of not having help. he can go to the store, hang with his friends, spend 150 on a pair of shoes... but me i live paycheck by paycheck, staying at home my life revolving completely around the baby. its just irritating that the me time i get is at work. maybe thats why i like to be there so much.
dont get me wrong, i know my life is to revolve around damen, but i also know that i am not the only parent, thats why i get aggrivated.

well i think i kinda got off and on subject... i just wish things were different, yeah i realize its my fault...

faithfulness...

2009-06-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

you know, now a days its hard to find anyone thats truely faithful.
i cant tell you how many married men try and talk to me. ok, thats so unwanted. one of my friends even tried to make moves, ive lost total respect for him. does he really think im like that, i know hes married, i met his wife. he is one i didnt think was like that... hes even got kids. it makes me wonder if ill ever be secure enough in the relationship department.

i know i have been disrespected by a few guys. constantly getting told lies and always having that gut feeling. in the end i was right. it always makes me wondeer...why?? what did i do to deserve this. what went wrong. no, every guy is not like this... i do see quite a bit of true loving faithful relationships, however, there is way too many unfaithful ones.
expecially in the army. you always hear about soldiers cheating on their spouses. ones that are and arent deployed. it always makes me feel bad.

it always makes me wonder what people are thinking. and it makes it scary to get into a relationship. cuz people i thought were totally faithful and honest turned out to be the complete opposite. its scary. its weird. its uncalled for.

if your spouse, fiance or bf/gf isnt doin it for you, say something. because you may be able to fix it. lots of times its cuz theyre always busy or away or their love life is falling apart. but talk about it. you can save so many families and relationships by this. you dont need to disrespect your partner. so why dont people save the hurt, the tears, the wandering and just be open. sit down and be honest. talk.

if we did this many people would be happier. many issues would be resolved. the world would be a better place and i think God would be proud.

fighting

2009-06-06T00:52:00.000-07:00

ugh i hate fighting. it makes me so miserable. and i hate to say it but when i get mad sometimes i can get nasty. i dont know why but i have been so irritable lately. i dont know if its cuz of my medicine or what.. but since i got mastitus ive been pushy. yikes!! thats no good.

life of a mom

2009-05-30T18:19:00.000-07:00

being a mom is AMAZING. i love every single part of it. mainly i love the unconditional love that i have for Damen. i never know i could love someone so much. he will be 4 months on the 3rd. growing up so fast! :)

though i hate having him go to the sitters. what if he gets hurt? what if he crys? what if he just wants mom and im no where around? all of these are things i think about as i work or get daily tasks done without 'D' man by my side. However the little break is very nice and refreshing! i will not lie lol.

i miss his newbornness but i am also enjoying this almost fun time stage. i love that he reaches for things, rolls over, holds a bottle, and swings on a swing. i get sad, mad, just upset overall that his father misses all this. secretly i dont want him in daycare cuz what if he crawls for the first time and im not there. how can i miss that!? but his father misses all of this. its not his fault, i will say that. he is stationed in GA so i dont get mad at him, but i feel bad that he doesnt get to enjoy this time. idk...

i would never change anything in the world about being a mom. i love it. its hard work, and quite expensive but i enjoy every part of it.

improvement

2009-03-24T18:23:00.001-07:00

so i have decided i need to become a better person all aroundt. not that im a bad person, i just want to improve mentally, physically, emotionally, all of that. i just know that im not finished working on me. and time is even shorter now, expecially since i have had my son, I love him he's my angel. but i really wish i could of finished working on me first so i could do better with providing him a good future. college would of been cool, its just gonna have to wait for a bit now. im not sure what my complete calling is... i love to help and make people happy. i love working for the lighthouse, i just wish it was in a different location, where my family will be. well i guess its kinda like a family. idk im not going to get technical. but anyways i just wanna improve. and i guess im kinda just babbling but thats ok, thats blogging right.

how i can and want to improve on mentally:
`look into/start online schooling
`read more 'educational' books
`take my boards for cosmotology
`gain a broader vocabulary

how i can and want to improve on physically:
`do my tony hortons ten minute workouts
`walk more
`crunches
`run
`join a gym
`take exercise classes

how i can and want to improve on emotionally:
`be more understanding
`not assume
`

everything changes

2009-03-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

my life continuasly changes. nothing seems to go the same. my life changes, my career changes, my family constantly changes. im ready for life to stop spinning and just stay in one place for awhile. i've moved 5 times in the past year. expecially now that i have a son i guess i really need to stay put somewhere, start a routine. its kind of hard, because i havn't had a routine since high school. well besides the army, you don't got a choice there. so i'm trying to do this routine thing. im not quite sure how i want to do it or how i want to start it... but i need to and im going to.

Questions & Answers

2009-01-28T15:44:00.001-08:00

The Simple Stuff
Username:: almost perfect
Name:: Carla
Wearing:: cute black tights and hot red top
Eye Colour:: hazel
Hair Colour:: dark brown
Are You Wearing Make-up?: lip gloss (cant go without it)
Are You Listening To Music?: yeah
Ethnicity:: white...and i mean white lol
Are You Tanned?: normally yes
What Is Your Natural Hair Colour?: dirty blonde/light ass brown
Do You Have Nail Polish On?: no, had drill
Eating:: velveeta mac n cheese
Drinking:: cool aid
Is It Hot Or Cold?: cold... snowed in!!
Favourites:
Colour?: green??
Hair Colour?: dark
Hair Style?: crazy sex hair
Shop?: addicted.. possibly
Place To Be?: walmart LMAO
Sancuary?: curled up in a blanket
Relative?: my lol bro
Friend?: you know who yinz are!!!
City?: not sure
Country?: the U.S. of A
Drink?: red bull
Alcoholic Drink?: jeager bombs lol
Food?: crab legs
Seat In The Car?: drivers
Band?: KILL DINOSAUR KILL
Song?: it wasnt me
Musician?: van morrison
Artist?: me
Author?: mary higgins clark
Website?: myspace lol
Movie?: not sure
Animal?: sloth
Game?: mancola
Fantasy?: you in a jagr or crosbey jersey
Time Of Day?: noon
Time Of Night?: 9
Do You/Have You?
Drink?: love it
Smoke?: nope
Do Drugs? not me
Wet The Bed?: no
Lie?: fib but rarely
Cheat?: never
Brush Your Teeth?: duh
Brush Your Hair?: sometimes lol
Have A Pet?: bugs!! my perverted kitty
Have A Pool?: nada
Cut? no
Tried To Commit Suicide?: never, my life is too important
Wish You Were Someone Else?: i like being me!!
Wish You Were Somewhere Else?: yes i hate this town.
Wish You Had A Different Family?: could i trade the dad??
Get Good Grades?: in school yeah..
Have A Job?: soldier in the army reserves, resident manager, americorps member
Been Skinnydipping?: lmao at ashleys
Been On Stage:: of course
Sing?: all the time.. keep me away from karaoke night
Dance?: daily
Give Speeches?: only when beth makes me
Met A Famous Person?: yes. bettis.
Lost Your Voice?: yes
Had Detention?: haha once in high school
Been Expelled?: lol yes long story
Been Yelled At By A Teacher?: yes
Yelled At A Teacher?: no just argued
Been In A Fight At School?: no
Skipped School?: lol all the time
Pulled A Sickie?: duh
Had A Fight With Your Parents?: um yeah
Had Sex?: no, mother teresa lmao, i do have a son on the way
Are You?
Attractive?: yes
Loud?: in bed?? lol
Quiet?: sometimes
Shy?: with ppl i dont know or a large amount of ppl, except when im drinkin
Outgoing?: yeah
Religious?: kinda
Suicidal?: no
Homicidal?: no
A Good Role Model?: yes
Random:
Do You Like Yourself?: yes
Do You Believe In Yourself?: yeah, sometimes get doubts
Are You IN Love?: no
Have You Been In Love?: yes
Do You Have A Crush?: maybe
Have You Ever Had A Crush On A Teacher?: no lol
How Many Brothers And Sisters Do You Have?: 2
What Sexuality Are You?: straight
Who's Your Icon? no one
What's Your Favourite Saying?: huh??
Are You Male Or Female?: female
Do You Want To Be A Different Gender?: sometimes, cuz a guy doesnt have as many worries
Do You Ever Wonder What The Other Sex Thinks About?: no, i already know, always around guys
What's Your Favourite Genre Of Music?: not sure...
Do You Get Along With Your Parents?: my mother
Do You Buy CDs Or Download Them?: both
Do You Believe In God?: yes
Satan?: yes
Angels?: yes
Demons?: its a possibility
Ghosts? maybe
Aliens?: no
Reincarnation?: thats weird
Karma?: of course!!
Fate?: sometimes
Do You Shave Or Wax?: both
Do You Want To Get Married?: yes, i want a family more then anything, but im willing to be patient
Do You Want To Have Kids?: damen's on the way!!
Do You Dream Of 'The White Picket Fence'?: no not rele

UPDATE, i should have my own news...

2009-01-23T18:17:00.000-08:00

so.. i went to church the other week. i got to see vern ?recommited? to bakerstown alliance. yay! i was so excited for him. dr. morledge (sp) made me laugh... though i didnt know him n vern went way back. but i was happy. its kinda weird for vern to be leaving the lighthouse but i have good faith in dan. (back to my topic) it felt so good to be in 'the house of God' though i dont know if it was concidered a service... they didnt do communion (do they do communion???) so i may not have technically ATTENDED a service. but i plan on doing so and MORE. gradually, it kinda feels like learning to swim, one step at a time. i think its hard to get involved cuz im shy and dont know the ins and outs. heck if i went to a catholic church id be a pro!! :)
but im doing something new. and out of everyone i know there (not a lot but still!) i really seem to like. they all seem supportive and 'family like'

yes, somehow i sit here STILL pregnant. geez what the heck. the dr didnt even see if i dialated anymore. (the other week i was 1cm!!!)
though i now have all the baby stuff ready (i think!!) and according to ashley ive been very hormonal and MEAN... (lol oops) but shes right, which is why i need all the prayers to have my baby before super bowl SUNDAYY!! hey... dont wanna be cranky during that. ANd not to start labor during the game, cuz thats just my luck.

my brother is in a band KDK Kill dinosaur kill (what a pleasant name) lol they did 2 shows so far.. its cute.. im ean RAD lol. its nice though, to see how happy my bro is to see me in the crowd (which isnt big) but once he sees me he sees his support :) so it makes me feel all warm inside (like i did a good thing or something) but hes my lil bro of course im there for him.. but he has a big show the 30th so if youd like to come!!!

my mom has some things going on (which i cant mention) it bothers me, and i pray everything is okay. she makes me worried, sometimes i feel like her mother. but yeah...

this is all the updates that i can think of and everything on my mind at the moment...

a new bundle of joy is on the way!!!

2009-01-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

so... its the 18th... only days left (what happened to the MONTHS) february 9th is coming fast.
I HAVE NOTHING PREPARED.. and yet im on the computer blogging...

so today i put up the pack n play (i have to use the bassinet on it til i get a crib); his socks, sleepers and going home outfit are in the wash now (yay go me). im bout to do his dresser :) i want dinosaurs, but everything is pooh. soo pooh it is lol.
im just putting him in my room for now, the other room can b storage.
i cant wait im sooo excited. my sons going to be here finally!!!

its finally decided..

2009-01-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

so i totally and officially picked out the name. Damen Dakota. <3 yay!

new years resolution... CHURCH

2009-01-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

so i know everyone comes up with their resolutions before new years, but its after and i still have no clue.
almost everyone does diets, not eating this, not doing that.
but i dont need to diet (pregnant or not pregnant, its hard for me to get fat)
i dont really eat anything bad for me. i dont drink too much. GEez im almost like perfect. lol just kidding.
Maybe church. i should go more. i need to go more. its been quite awhile. but i only feel comfortable in a catholic church (sorry vern n dan). but catholics (and i can say this being one) are very judgemental. like you almost have to be perfect; god forbid if youre gay, or divorced or just not nose in the air. so im terrified to go to church pregnant and not married. woulda been married but thats another story all together. so i like sinned. and didnt confess my sin, but i aint going to. Thats like saying i shouldnt have had my baby. which yes, he was a SUPRISE, but not a regret. nothing that im going to apoligize for. nothing im going to call a sin.
you might hear me say 'youve heard of jesus, well this is his brother' its a joke, probably a bad one, but its just another way of me saying accept it. i dont regret my baby, maybe what happened but i love my end result.
anyways back to the church thing: this is a reason why i stray from church. you might ask then why be catholic, why not go to another church. my reply, modern church is weird for me. there is no modern day things in our church. years ago i had to stop being an alter server (aka alter BOY) because i wasnt a BOY. so im used to anything but modern. but maybe thats the mindset i need to get out of. RESOLUTIONS ARE SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO WORK AT RIGHT???
so maybe this really should be my resolution.
church of some sort of some religion.
maybe ill learn bout all religions, maybe ill end up buddist (doubt it but you get the point)
so writing this i came up with my late new years resolution.
have any ideas let me know!!

me, my car and my ideas

2009-01-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

WELL.. yesterday came up with a GENIUS idea, (i like to plot things and often my ideas dont work, but i get excited anyways). so i was coming up with a way to get a new car or get my CANCER (rust) fixed. and i realized... hmm, im always doing somethies i.e. hitting a tree and knocking out my taillight, hitting the van, backing up and hitting the shed, or sideswiping my car along the cart things at walmart. If you notice, there is a pattern ALL ARE WHEN IM TRYING TO PARK AND BACK UP. so yinz now know i cant park to save my life lol.

HOWEVER, i was like; if i get full coverage and hit something my insurance will cover it and fix or replace my car, and it woulnt be insurance fraud or onpurpose, i just came to realization that i almost always hit something atleast once a week. but then, this is when i realized i know nothing about insurance. my dad doesnt talk to me so i called up my other 'dad' (who i ask all my dad questions to i.e. car, insurance, advice,boy stuff) "VERN, I HAVE AN AMAZING IDEA..." and i tell him my idea

SHUT DOWN. totally bursted my bubble (its ok though:) ) but aparently insurance doesnt work like i imagined. so now im not getting full coverage lol.

wow...

2008-12-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

wow christmas. i always get so excited cuz i get to see my family. hmm... why... i wonder... i cant seem to figure it out, cuz my dad just sits there and makes faces, immediatly pissed off because im here. well im done. i dont know wat to do anymore. its christmas, at least return a hello. i said hi, and all he does is put on a pissed off face. ITS CHRISTMAS for gods sake just at least give a fake hello.
well ill blog how it goes... its only christmas eve. this will be interesting.

Sex and the City

2008-12-20T17:51:00.000-08:00

so youve watched sex and the city right... well sometimes that seems like my life.
well before i lost my major social life... but i still have one
but i watch it, and just realize wow.. i should so be on here. exvept id be the virginal one, but having a very interesting dark side. not like a bad person but you know.
its very interesting to me, the way women work. we are weird, obsessive, jealous, compolsive, have to be perfect, try and hide all our flaws, the list could just go on and on...
but we females are another species. i remember 'playing' the guys. dressing a little edgy. going to the bar and just misbehaving.
i talk about it like it was years ago... lol well only months.
i know i talk about men like im discussing a movie. i know im complicated as all heck

i dont like guys that like me; i want to have to work for a mans affection. meaning i want him to experience the whole and real me before even sayin he likes me. if he likes me before he does its an automatic no go. i dont want things easy, and he dont know the full coplicated me that shows me: he is not picky and does not choose wisely.

a man watches a girl, talks with a girl, then can fall for here. i mean sure there is some lust at first sight, but i want to create that lust. i want a man i can show 'wow i wanna be with her' not a 'shes hot i wanna hit that' NO GO! i do not want an ignorant slob..

i cant lie, i can talk trashier than a man about a man im eyein up (eye candy) but just because hes hot and id love to see his body does NOT mean im bout to 'pounce on him' ima wait watch him for a bit (not stockerish and not obvious) look at his expression. is he looking talkative, sexual, pissed? i usually go for the 2nd one. not for the reason y oure probably thinking. but a man that is too talkative will never let me get a word in or listen to my opinion. hes a pissy man, hes just gonna make me upset and feel like i always gotta please him, but if hes sexual, you can tame a sexual man. Sexual men usually want to always please a woman (not talkin sex) but the want to see you pleased, happy, content. you can teach them to respect you as in your wishes (no sex before marriage, engagement, whatever)

but thats all for now. i have xmas at my house 2maro and need to get cleaning

christmas (stole from beth)

2008-12-20T17:21:00.000-08:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
wrapping paper
2. Real tree or Artificial?
real, no one likes fake things...
5. Do you like eggnog?
gross
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
not sure, i was always appreciative n loved everything
7. Hardest person to buy for?
my br0
8. Easiest person to buy for?
serena
9. Do you have a nativity scene?
of course, except jesus looks misshapen
10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
i always fill them out and always forget to mail them!!!
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
ugh when i was 16 my aunt got me this pony shirt (like an 8 yr old would wear) my mom MADE me WEAR IT!!!
12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
the grinch stole xmas
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
the week b4 xmas
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
dont think so...
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
everything!
16. Lights on the tree?
of course
17. Favorite Christmas song?
its cold outside, its so seductive
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
home, well travel to the parents and grandparents lol
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
of course!!!
20. Angel on the tree-top or star?
star, from the DG lol (dollar general)
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
morning.. well technically eve cuz id sneak out and open some
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
its cold
23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
no. i like random
24. Favorite food for Christmas dinner?
turkey or chicken
25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
nothing for me. just stuff for my son (bottles! breast feeding stuff)

a big day with not a lot to do...

2008-11-24T05:57:00.000-08:00

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My mom, dad, brother, grandma and grandfather (all are carl and corole)
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
yesterday, my dad chewed me out...
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
umm idk its handwriting... its not like "wow, look how i made that 't'"
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
turkey breast... sliced and diced
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
expecting a baby boy!!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
of course! i would go on a tv show to be bffs with me (like paris)
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
it depends on the day and what mood im in.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
i would love to!!
10. WHAT IS YOUR favorite CEREAL?
LUCKY CHARMS!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
yes. because i retie them when i put them on and i cant stand when ppl break the backs of their shoes..
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Theres strong, then theres ARMY STRONG hooah!!
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
nutty buttys
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?
their hair, their teeth, and what theyre wearing
15. RED OR PINK?
red, its so BAM
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
that im shy, it makes me seem stuck up and i also loose opportunities cuz of it
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Nana banana rip
18. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
black
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
idk im always eating
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW ?
the beautiful sounds of my keyboard
21.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
almond
22. FAVORITE SMELLS?
guys AX, mistletoe kisses
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
josh, well fell asleep txtin him
24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
penguins!! whoop whoop
25. HAIR COLOR?
my natural is dirty blonde, however i color it and its cappuccino
26. EYE COLOR?
hazel, mainly green
27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
on special occasions
28. FAVORITE FOOD?
rare steak, crab legs and pizza
29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
depends. im not a sucker for sappy movies
30. LAST MOVIE WATCHED?
the traveling pants 2
31 WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
RED!
32. SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter
33. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs, they mean so much more, and after a rough day a hug is just so calming
34. FAVORITE DESSERT?
hersheys chocolate pie
35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
the quran
37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
THE SIMPSONS season 9
38. FAVORITE SOUND?
electric guitar
39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
this is a toughy
40. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
kansas? or florida? not sure which is considered farther
41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
yes...

popcicle sticks and wax strips

2008-11-24T05:39:00.000-08:00

what an eventful night! i let one of my girl friends wax me.
*ok right there you know BIG MISTAKE*
miss mydock bought the professional waxing kit (so it wasnt one of those microwavable ones BIG DIFFERENCE) so i figured id let her wax me (my legs, wasnt tryin anything else). Not that she's bad at it, but it was a very painful experience! yes, we did take pictures :)
it was very akward, not to mention i was in this dress thing and cant lay down on my belly like you normally would. so she got a nice butt shot. its a good thing we're good friends. i was in the most akward positions. AND THEN I POPPED A HIP lol. now i feel like im 80.
needless to say you may not be able to picture this if u dont know me n serena very well, however, if you do youre def picturin' this and totally embarrased for me. lol

it was a fun girls night though

painful.. very painful. shes not touching nething else. DONT DO IT. and you people that get anything else waxed are NUTS!
But now my legs are nice and smooth. But sore and red still.

i just dont know please comment

2008-11-19T17:00:00.000-08:00

how come everytime i blog i just seem to think abbas... i dont get it. maybe its cuz he changed my life tremendously. i dont know and i know it probably gets annoying but i just cant help it. i talked to him again today and we are getting along much better. he actually seems to be getting excited cuz 'im gin to georgia' Well i havnt actually made my decision yet. im leanin towards no, but when i think about it with noone elses opinion my choice is 'savannah here i come.'
this is why i dont want to leave
- i just got the rm position and i feel like if i say yes ill screw the lighthouse over
*however i know that i cant let that make me say no, but i feel so guilty

-i can transfer my americore place
*however i like the lighthouse

-im scared ill have the baby by myself
*ima strong woman, i can handle it plus i can have a friend come down

-what if its not his
*ill still be in ga where jay is

-it will be akward for him to talk to other girls
*i have to be okay with that sometime

-i still love him
*that scares me

-hes excited and ok with me not working
*is he having thoughts about us?

-IM SO CONFUSED!!! a lot of me says go down. however if i come back to pa i woulnt have a job to return to and thats why i really dont wanna go... BUT I REALLY DO WANNA GO

*it will be great for my son, to be near dad... but i dont have to be 'with' his dad

my gut my head and my heart are leading toward yes
my friends and my job are leadin me towards no

***********big thing***************

even if i do go, i will be in pa quite a bit. i got april, may, n june cuz of a friend gettin married that ill be in pa!!

so ill b here quite a bit and my friends n family are here so its not like im never gonna visit. and im gonna have quite a bit o time on my hands so ill be calling everyone

'This is why im hot'

2008-11-18T20:02:00.000-08:00

this is why im hot.. i hot cuz im fly, you aint cuz you NOT.....
this is why im hot *just keep reading now that u hopefully have the song in your head*
I am who i am, you dont like it.. i dont give a *dang*

no but seriously... i hate all these fake people. the ones who try to be gangster but really live on a farm n ride horses all day. The ones who act all big and bad but come home and play with Mr Snuggles their new puppy. The ones who lie to feel like theyre fitting in.

So this is why im 'hot'
im fly. lol nah. im me, and i dont care. im not mean, not ignorant, not judgemental, not fake, obviously flawed, not superficial. i love to shop but only buy cheap stuff, im a bargain hunter. im random as all heck. i try to improve myself daily. i attempt to go to church (i find every reason not to go..like im too tired), i work A LOT, im very close with my brother, im one of the best friends someone could have (not being full of myself) but i am im always there to lean on, i hate to say no.

ALTHOUGH
i get cranky, i need my hershey pie, if my bathroom is gross i tweak, my car falls off, i have add, im very random (that can be a very good or bad thing) i dont have the patience like i used to, i lose my keys and purse at least 3 timesa day, but most of these are temporary and should go away come february. i am terrible with names (always been like that, dont get offended) im bad with faces. ill know something about u before i know you to see you.

yeah so thats probthe most random blog ever. im going to bed i have to be up in 7 hours... man i cant wait to just sleep for a whole day. <-- thats the crankiness im talkin about.

the bonton

2008-11-16T20:06:00.000-08:00

so i tried to get fired from the bonton the other day. it didnt work. dang them! i was to work 8am to 5pm. thats a crazy long shift. like i said in an earlier blog i have no idea why i am working there again. so i fell asleep crazy late, i went out the night before and watched most of baby mamma. then went home to sleep n my kid kept kickin. needless to say i didnt go to sleep til very late. i slept til 8 (serena woke me up) and fell right back asleep. i ended up going into work at 1pm with the hormones raging and like i freakin have to go to work... i was just like cant they just fire me and let me go home i just WANT TO SLEEP.
my bed and blanket have become my best friends.
however needless to say the managers did not fire me. and now i still work 2maro until 9pm. redic!!!
why cant they just fire me already, i mean i need the cash but standing for 8 hours just isnt for me, maybe if theyd let me sit.

my latest offer...

2008-11-15T16:10:00.000-08:00

i got a text the other day... from Abbas. i was shocked, suprised, nervous and happy all at the same time, but mainly nervous. "why is he calling me?" we havnt talked for a crazy long time. so i was confused... *yikes* he started asking me random questions. all weird and i still didnt get his point. but he finally got to the point and asked me if id move to georgia. SAVANNAH its freakin gorgeous down there. however living with your ex-fiance would be kinda akward. i mean we'd get along and have seperate bedrooms. but idk. itd be good for my son. akward for me but my son comes first and like i said it would be good for him. so idk. i still have awhile to decide.

the BONTON

2008-11-13T05:58:00.000-08:00

yes, its THE bonton.
wow so i work there right. that was my first job the week i turned 16. worked there til february 2007. QUIT. was happy. i liked my management (well except for 2). i liked the staff. i hated the pay. hated the merchandise. actually i dont remember anything i really liked. i just went, it was work.
ok so i was done and i was happy. well like 2 months ago i decided "i need a parttime job" hmm what an idea let me tell you.

needless to say, guess where my job is... the BONTON. and for christmas season... EXCUSE ME, the holiday season (cant say christmas)

so now i have to get ready, i work 9 45 - 1 something in missies.

rare steak and popeys chicken

2008-11-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

yumm... steak nice and bloody... yummm.... popeyes chicken... yum...

so i decided to buy steak the other week at walmart, cuz goin out n ordering it is just getting too expensive and i just crave it all too much.
WELL... im picky i dont like fat (its utterly disgusting and if i put it in my mouth i gag) but i attempted to cook it n it just didnt work. i

AAAHHHH!!!

2008-11-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

this stupid stupid car!!! grr!!! do you know that I had to jump it 3 times today... i had to wake bri up at 7 somethin, then i got off work at 2:25 and had a marine jump me. then the thing locked up on me, i couldnt turn the wheel and push in the break. my bro met me (wow was i suprised) n hes usually a jerk to me but he fixed it. and then told me i was leaking antifreeze (and i am, well the car is). so hopefully it stops. but yeah that is my vent. i hate my car. and i mean i appreciate it, but it makes me so MAD!!! grr

on a happy note.. i bought an elmer fudd hat!! woo! it plaid!!

baby shower <3

2008-11-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

wow.. now i really cant wait for my son to get here. Saturday was my baby shower. I was quite nervous. I dont like everyones attention on me, just like public speaking YUCK. so i was very anxious. MY GIRLS ARE AMAZING!
everything looked cute and the cake was delicious. it was nice to see a lot of my family there. some of them are very supportive and others dont mention it. I want to thank everyone for everything. Everyones been so helpful.
*but apparently bumber pads can cause SIDS*---- isnt that just weird to think about.
mom is getting much better and is quite helpful... but dad (nevermind, i could go on 4 hours).
but it was fun and nice to see the family again, some i havnt seen since b4 i left for basic *yikes* the food was delicious and it was fun, i munched quite a bit. ps i did get heartburn from my mothers chicken.

so i have to tell you...

2008-10-19T15:29:00.000-07:00

the other day when i went to buy stamps (yes i finally bought them!) i had to cross an old lady across the road. i always thought that was just something funny, but here she actually asked me to walk her across (however she didnt pick the best spot to cross) she was trying to cross main street by the post office.. not even at the end of the corner/block. but she really appreciated it and it showed me.. wow. but i just had to say cuz it was kinda weird.

Scrapbooking

2008-10-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

okay so i love scrapbooking. i just went and bought a new book and stickers, but now i am stumped on what i want to do... this makes me frusturated. maybe its cuz my stickers dont match my new pages, or maybe its cuz im so scatterbrained (i heard this word from a friend and it fits me to a t, so im going to use it ) i dont know. i was doing that and somehow i ended up on the computer (not even in the same area or room) and i really want to do it but i just looked at all my stuff just puzzled. Wow :) i get overwelmed. but its ok. it keeps me entertained. BUT i really would like to start me new scrapbook (i feel like i just got a shopping spree!!)
hopefully ill get atleast a page done... hopefully

Candle Party!!!!

2008-10-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

yay im having a candle party. im way excited. not about the candles, but just about having some friends n family over. yay yay yay. and i cooked. well i burnt the pumpkin pie (didnt know you cooked pumpkin pie) and i made a veggie tray and punch and cookies!! lol im stoked. i never thought id be this excited. well i havnt seen some family since before i left for the army (july of '07) so its been awhile. at the same time im nervous... what are they gonna think about my cooking, my furniture, my apt, how i do things. it all makes me nervous. and theyre all gonna bring up my pregnancy and that makes me nervous as well. maybe ill take a nap... YES! lol

about the ex's....

2008-10-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you... I've only had a couple 'serious' relationships (id say 2 real serious ones) and the one we were friends before we were "bf/gf" and have been talking before my junior year (so we dated for quite awhile) and didnt break up til i left for the army (there were points here n there that we were just 'dating' but we never dated anyone else besides the other). Aparently long distant relationships didnt work for him. BUT we remained friends. Then once i got home we dated again (yes people i know we always ended up back together) :) But hes up in Erie for college now and im fine with us being just friends, but then he started dating this slussy (with the same name as me!) and she now i guess forbids us to even be friends. UGH. so lame. i dont want him, but hes one of my BFFs and im one of his. So i dont understand how she can do that. I could see if i was getting all up on him, but im not. Because i know hes not ready for what im going through, and thats cool i totally understand. But this is just urking me BAD!!
but honestly im friends with all my exs except the BD (babys daddy) and i think its ok. Because we dont talk like 'that' so you females that are totally controlling need to get over it. Guys have friends that are girls and girls have friends that may be your boyfriend. Get over it.
*pc*

Let me tell you!

2008-10-02T18:21:00.001-07:00

so, im currently a pennsylvania driver (and yes im registered to vote). I am driving an Oldsmobile Station Wagon. Well let me tell you about this station wagon.. I HATE IT!! well maybe its the driver and not the car. But driving is quite interesting for me. Its like my life something always goes wrong (it keeps things interesting i guess). I havnt had my license that long... and so far today i hit a curb and got a flat tire and couldnt find the doughnut or anything so i had to call Vern and make him come back to Butler (thank you vern, youre a lifesaver!!!). We changed it (well mainly vern, i helped out the bolt things on and off and watched :) ). Over the weekend i almost hit a guy in a wheelchair (although it was 11 at night and he was driving down the middle of the road.. THIS IS WHY THEY INVENTED SIDEWALKS!!!) lol but i didnt hit him, Thank God. Ive already gotten pulled over (thank you Josh) aparently it was a no left turn zone, luckily i just got a warning. Ive gotten lost quite a bit. I got lost around walmart, somehow i landed on a BIG road. Just everyday its just something. I want to get a limo and hire a driver. that would be amazing. Because ive come to a conclusion... I HATE driving.

So i think its leg is deformed :/

2008-10-02T18:17:00.000-07:00

ok so i keep looking at this ultrasound and i think his leg is deformed. LOOK at it. its not the umbilical cord, and its def not his boy parts... so it has to be his leg. or maybe he has a ginornous foot. o this worries me. well it worries me cuz i cant figure out what it is. i mean seriously it has to be his leg. i dont know. well ill ask the dr tomarrow. see what she says.

President Bush

2008-10-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

haHEM (clearing the throat)
bush... lets see... where should i start. well first im gonna start by saying i respect everyones opinions. Cuz theyre opinions and i know if you disagree you know nothing about this... so i will excuse you.
this war...
my battles are being killed for NOTHING anymore.
i have lots of friends over there.. for what reason???

George Bush why dont you answer that question.

and all these people running for president and vice "the troops will come home" and "their deployment will be shorter" YET they 'FORGET' to tell you that with troops coming home, they just have to send other soldiers over. And with their deployment being shorter, theyre all just gonna be deployed more often.

IF we could just pull out obviously we would. but this isnt sex and we cant. unless we bomb the crap out of the country but then we would be killing lots of innocent people who are just doing what were doing... PROTECTING their COUNTRY and PEOPLE!!

grrr......

this makes me so mad! and all parties envolved make me mad. grr...!

*big deep breath*

well that is just some of my thoughts i could go on forever but im not going to cuz this would end up a book and not a blog.

LIFE

2008-09-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

i have to say, i have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever have. yeah some are dorks, some have bad habits, some are just nuts lol but they are awesome! they are the best family anyone could ever have! sometimes i dont always get to see em but that doesnt mean i dont love them. and they know that. I had some of the hardest times, yet my friends were always there for me. I cant tell you how many times they 'snuck' me out (*future reference, when my sons grounded nail the windows shut*) lol i practically lived at megs, ashs, n ryans. lol and then i somehow made it to the Blanchard house. Then i made a new set of friends (well a new addition of friends) some who got me in trouble (the boys lol) and some who led me to where i am today (MOIST! haha) and a newer friend who comes with me to my appts.

AND whats amazing... my friends welcome me into their family. Ive never felt loved before... and to have someone who isnt related and wants to involve you in things is just amazing.

So i want to say thank you!

*kinda makes me want to sing that one agulara song lol*

but seriously without all yinz, who knows where id be today. I didnt get left when i went through my troubled phase, yinz just supported me more and helped me cross that bridge. My friends where there through everything... my dad (im not gonna bring that up), getting kicked out of the house, being grounded cuz he didnt want to see my face, getting expelled, trying new things, getting sexually harassed at the tax place, miscarrying, joining the army, graduating beauty school, leaving for the army, supporting me while i was gone, and all support me and my son. AMAZING. God gave me what seemed to be a crappy hand, but it turned into a full house.
He gave me the best gift ever... LIFE.

i may have very little, but at the same time i have a lot.

This upcoming month

2008-09-29T20:35:00.000-07:00

hmm.. for some reason this months is quite packed. somehow i always end up at the lighthouse, even when im not to be working... like today i didnt leave til 9... 9! its ok i enjoy it. However i just got offered a new job!! but i cant tell any1 yet. Its so hard, cuz its something i want to tell the girls but i cant. I hate secrets, this is why i could never be the president. not that i woulnt be cuz someday maybe someday ill get the chance to run then drop out like Clinton. haha.
wow me blogging. i really have no life anymore huh? normally id never do this (woulda never wanted to or had time to) but i am. geez. but now im on my 2nd blog of the day... i just wrote one like an hour ago. I was gon head to bed but I just have too much on my mind. so as you can see, im blogging!! i just had to mention that.
well ima start "cleaning" i say it and we all know ima get distracted and end up doing something else like watchin tv, readin or talkin on the phone. ok im done.

This is what I know...

2008-09-29T19:07:00.000-07:00

math is fun... english is bothersome... this ramsey class is entertaining yet boring but useful. I enjoy spending my money, not saving it. But I know now the benefits of saving. and Im gonna save!! or atleast attempt to lol. I still enjoy shopping though, but that kinda ruins the shopping part. Im a bargain shopper to begin with, but then limiting my shopping problem is a PROBLEM. I love shopping, i shop when im happy, when im sad, mad, anxious and extatic.
But im gonna go to all 13 classes!!! wahoo lol. now i can be a millionare jk. But close to one.

hmm i didnt do much today. im on the phone with my one girl friend now, boy dilemma... yuck. see this is why i dont talk/date/marry anyone. i cant deal with their drama. cant deal with the cheating and dishonesty. Not that all guys are like that, just all guys that come my way. But thats why we have friends :) and that makes me happy enough... well for now.

this entry is quite random... i apoligize in advance...

but i got to see my brother the other day!!! he is such a cutie. he looks like a boy now, got rid of his long girl hair... kinda depressing.

im getting a new car eventually. hopefully it goes up the hills on the interstate. this ghetto station wagon just aint doin' it lol. i feel like i should be in the brady bunch or something... now i just need like 8 more kids haha.

thank goodness for speaker phone... now i can multitask. i dont know what people did in the 40s... i woulda died. no cell phone, only rich people had tvs, no computers or laptops.. NO GPS'!!!

im trying to get my friend to start blogging. its kinda destressing :) although i feel like im talking to myself.. and i guess its more like talking to myself but in my head. i know this blog is kinda random and yourre probably thinking 'this girls weird' lol but its the way i am. i get in very random moods now a days and feel like a chicken without its head. but at the same time it entertains me. with out my randomness and 'scatterbrain' (haha bobbi) i would be so bored. i can entertain myself with almost anything.

and now im coming to the conclusion that my title really has nothing to do with this entry... but im giving you facts of what i know (if i know it for a fact, it is something i know and therefore... this is what i know) yikes! honestly ppl like that kill me... trying to be all smart n crap and really theyre dumber than a rock. me, i just admit what im terrible at. Its a skill, i like to call it honesty and being modest. haha. well im off. time to go to bed.

this whole pregnancy thing

2008-09-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

well let me first start and say i love my son with every bit of my heart. It hard being patient and waiting for him to 'arrive.'
ok i absolutely hate being pregnant (however, dont forget my first sentence!) i cant wait to wear my real clothes again. I want to have my innie belly button back. I absolutely hate lactating... i said it and i hate it and its GROSS. I want to be able to touch chemicals and not worry about what i eat. I hate all this hair, i feel like im just gonna wake up as a man! I want to bend over without it hurting or almost falling over. I want to be able to have a drink (when im 21 i mean...)if i want to. I hate that i missed the amusement parks. I just feel so incompitent and such and inconvenience. I cant lift stuff anymore, i just feel so useless.
And i hate that im moving (im excited to move) but i hate that i have to ask people to come and move my stuff for me because im not allowed to lift it.
I dont mean to complain but i just need to say it...
and its not that my childs an inconvenience, but i feel like IM the inconvenience for everyone else.

But here are the pros...
*itll be the first time im allowed to get 'fat' and eat as much as i want
*i get to go baby shopping
*i get to wear sweats to work
*i get to have a baby shower giving by some amazing friends
*i have the chance to be a GREAT mother
*IM GOING TO HAVE AN AMAZING WONDERFUL BABY BOY!!!!!!!!!

i am very excited! dont get me wrong, but i just cant wait to be not pregnant...

REMEMBER... it started with a kiss and ended up like THIS (pregnant)

and as i tell my lil brother girls are bad for you... CUZ holding hands leads to hugging, and hugging leads to kissing, and kissing leads to BABIES!!!

Changes that will gradually and hopefully occur

2008-09-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

I think i want to make some changes in my life. Becoming a mother will be a great change, but Im talking spiritually and emotionally as well. I want to gain all the knowledge I can. I want to continue my education. Beauty school and the army isn't enough. I want a challenge, I want a great accomplishment. I would like to learn more about the Bible, God and all the teachings. I want to be a leader, Im done being the quiet one. Its time for me to speak up. I want to help people, teach them that they can be better. We all can (yes including me) it just takes willpower to achieve it.
I went to the Silver Ring Thing on Friday and suprisingly I really enjoyed it. It made me think a lot. I got quite a couple odd looks while i was in there and pregnant. Yes, I did feel very akward at first, but then I just thought 'you know what everyone makes mistakes' not that my son on the way is a mistake (it was a big suprise though) but that I wanted to change. I wanted sex to be special again. I want to wait for the man of my dreams, will he ever come i dont know, but i think im willing to wait. It will be something im not used to. Im not a tramp or a hussy, but I made that decision with my "boyfriend at the time being" I just kinda figure and think; everyone has sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend, its normal... but really it may be common, but its not lawful. I really hope i make it til marriage. I need a lot of willpower and prayer, ive got a lot of hormones so its something i will need to keep reminding myself that the next time i have sex its going to be special.
I started going back to church. A christian one at that. I learn more then i do at a Catholic mass. I am trying to attend every Sunday. It doesnt always work out that way, I always seem to find an excuse. Me wanting to sleep in is the biggest obsticle, i aint gonna lie. If i could sleep 75% of the day, i would. I am still attempting to read the bible. Actually even as a Catholic, i really look at the Muslim religion. My ex was Muslim, so i learned all about it and they have amazing beliefs as well. So i read quite a bit of the Quran. Sunday ill miss church (ill be in pittsburgh) as well as the following Sunday.
Another big change is I want to go to school. I may have this good oppertunity, and if i take it i will be able to go to school full time. How amazing would that be!! Right now i just cant do it. But if i get this opportunity i will be able to with no problems. And while having a baby!
There's a lot more id like to change and work on, but these are the biggest. I could go on for hours. Its not that i want to change who i am, i just want to IMPROVE.