so sometimes life feels like its going downhill. everything bad is happening and life just woulnt slow down. i realize this. and i realize you know what, God has a plan. Things happen for a reason, its to change something. it might be bad now but it will change for the better. either its teaching us something or we have to go through this for the end result to happen. sometimes everything bad happens and i just take a deep breath n think 'it ok, I got this, He (god) got it under control' and it makes me feel better. and it makes me stress less about whats going on. its a nice feeling to believe and to trust.
so last week was crappy. but its good that it happened and i found stuff out, cuz now i can learn from it, change it up and move on.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
the def of carla...
Carla :
324 up, 13 down
An admirably smart and beautiful woman who is also classy and good humored. Cheerful, bubbly and happy. Most importantly, is good hearted and has great intentions. *Passionate and loving. Person who does not realize how gorgeous she is. Good dancer. Loves to please others. Note: Aggressive at times. Also, shorter than most.
The only thing I want is to have a Carla in my life. Girl: "I wish my hair looked like Carla's
intelligent beautiful funny short girl loving endearing lover great legs nice booty.
this was in urban dictionary, i think its me to a t... idk bout the short part.. maybe shorter then most guys
324 up, 13 down
An admirably smart and beautiful woman who is also classy and good humored. Cheerful, bubbly and happy. Most importantly, is good hearted and has great intentions. *Passionate and loving. Person who does not realize how gorgeous she is. Good dancer. Loves to please others. Note: Aggressive at times. Also, shorter than most.
The only thing I want is to have a Carla in my life. Girl: "I wish my hair looked like Carla's
intelligent beautiful funny short girl loving endearing lover great legs nice booty.
this was in urban dictionary, i think its me to a t... idk bout the short part.. maybe shorter then most guys
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
i want my life back
i know it sounds greedy and i know it sounds selfish, but i want my life back. i no longer have a life. i cant go out when i want, i cant even do what i want. i cant afford daycare, i mean i have like 3 friends who help out n watch damen, but i feel like im putting a burden on them. and my one girl friend who always helps me out goes to training in less then a month. idk i would just like some me time. i can usually find a sitter for when i work (which is like a whole 2 days a week) and when i have a planned event coming up (usually mom will help for that ex. the wedding this sat) but i can never find a sitter for me just to relax n have fun or even just clean. i love him, he's my world... its just i never planned on being a single mom... i was engaged... i kinda thought things would end dif. not me spending all my money on formula wipes and diapers. not that i mind, but it just doesnt give me a lot of money for stuff.
its just irritating. his brother gets help... but he dont. maybe its cuz i dont holler and nag and curse him out like the other one does...
i want to be able to be like 'hey, im runnin to the store, keep an eye on him will you' but i cant. cuz im by myself.
idk, i dont mean to vent im just sick of it, im sick of not having help. he can go to the store, hang with his friends, spend 150 on a pair of shoes... but me i live paycheck by paycheck, staying at home my life revolving completely around the baby. its just irritating that the me time i get is at work. maybe thats why i like to be there so much.
dont get me wrong, i know my life is to revolve around damen, but i also know that i am not the only parent, thats why i get aggrivated.
well i think i kinda got off and on subject... i just wish things were different, yeah i realize its my fault...
its just irritating. his brother gets help... but he dont. maybe its cuz i dont holler and nag and curse him out like the other one does...
i want to be able to be like 'hey, im runnin to the store, keep an eye on him will you' but i cant. cuz im by myself.
idk, i dont mean to vent im just sick of it, im sick of not having help. he can go to the store, hang with his friends, spend 150 on a pair of shoes... but me i live paycheck by paycheck, staying at home my life revolving completely around the baby. its just irritating that the me time i get is at work. maybe thats why i like to be there so much.
dont get me wrong, i know my life is to revolve around damen, but i also know that i am not the only parent, thats why i get aggrivated.
well i think i kinda got off and on subject... i just wish things were different, yeah i realize its my fault...
Saturday, June 6, 2009
faithfulness...
you know, now a days its hard to find anyone thats truely faithful.
i cant tell you how many married men try and talk to me. ok, thats so unwanted. one of my friends even tried to make moves, ive lost total respect for him. does he really think im like that, i know hes married, i met his wife. he is one i didnt think was like that... hes even got kids. it makes me wonder if ill ever be secure enough in the relationship department.
i know i have been disrespected by a few guys. constantly getting told lies and always having that gut feeling. in the end i was right. it always makes me wondeer...why?? what did i do to deserve this. what went wrong. no, every guy is not like this... i do see quite a bit of true loving faithful relationships, however, there is way too many unfaithful ones.
expecially in the army. you always hear about soldiers cheating on their spouses. ones that are and arent deployed. it always makes me feel bad.
it always makes me wonder what people are thinking. and it makes it scary to get into a relationship. cuz people i thought were totally faithful and honest turned out to be the complete opposite. its scary. its weird. its uncalled for.
if your spouse, fiance or bf/gf isnt doin it for you, say something. because you may be able to fix it. lots of times its cuz theyre always busy or away or their love life is falling apart. but talk about it. you can save so many families and relationships by this. you dont need to disrespect your partner. so why dont people save the hurt, the tears, the wandering and just be open. sit down and be honest. talk.
if we did this many people would be happier. many issues would be resolved. the world would be a better place and i think God would be proud.
i cant tell you how many married men try and talk to me. ok, thats so unwanted. one of my friends even tried to make moves, ive lost total respect for him. does he really think im like that, i know hes married, i met his wife. he is one i didnt think was like that... hes even got kids. it makes me wonder if ill ever be secure enough in the relationship department.
i know i have been disrespected by a few guys. constantly getting told lies and always having that gut feeling. in the end i was right. it always makes me wondeer...why?? what did i do to deserve this. what went wrong. no, every guy is not like this... i do see quite a bit of true loving faithful relationships, however, there is way too many unfaithful ones.
expecially in the army. you always hear about soldiers cheating on their spouses. ones that are and arent deployed. it always makes me feel bad.
it always makes me wonder what people are thinking. and it makes it scary to get into a relationship. cuz people i thought were totally faithful and honest turned out to be the complete opposite. its scary. its weird. its uncalled for.
if your spouse, fiance or bf/gf isnt doin it for you, say something. because you may be able to fix it. lots of times its cuz theyre always busy or away or their love life is falling apart. but talk about it. you can save so many families and relationships by this. you dont need to disrespect your partner. so why dont people save the hurt, the tears, the wandering and just be open. sit down and be honest. talk.
if we did this many people would be happier. many issues would be resolved. the world would be a better place and i think God would be proud.
fighting
ugh i hate fighting. it makes me so miserable. and i hate to say it but when i get mad sometimes i can get nasty. i dont know why but i have been so irritable lately. i dont know if its cuz of my medicine or what.. but since i got mastitus ive been pushy. yikes!! thats no good.
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