i want my life back

i know it sounds greedy and i know it sounds selfish, but i want my life back. i no longer have a life. i cant go out when i want, i cant even do what i want. i cant afford daycare, i mean i have like 3 friends who help out n watch damen, but i feel like im putting a burden on them. and my one girl friend who always helps me out goes to training in less then a month. idk i would just like some me time. i can usually find a sitter for when i work (which is like a whole 2 days a week) and when i have a planned event coming up (usually mom will help for that ex. the wedding this sat) but i can never find a sitter for me just to relax n have fun or even just clean. i love him, he's my world... its just i never planned on being a single mom... i was engaged... i kinda thought things would end dif. not me spending all my money on formula wipes and diapers. not that i mind, but it just doesnt give me a lot of money for stuff.
its just irritating. his brother gets help... but he dont. maybe its cuz i dont holler and nag and curse him out like the other one does...
i want to be able to be like 'hey, im runnin to the store, keep an eye on him will you' but i cant. cuz im by myself.
idk, i dont mean to vent im just sick of it, im sick of not having help. he can go to the store, hang with his friends, spend 150 on a pair of shoes... but me i live paycheck by paycheck, staying at home my life revolving completely around the baby. its just irritating that the me time i get is at work. maybe thats why i like to be there so much.
dont get me wrong, i know my life is to revolve around damen, but i also know that i am not the only parent, thats why i get aggrivated.

well i think i kinda got off and on subject... i just wish things were different, yeah i realize its my fault...