life of a mom

being a mom is AMAZING. i love every single part of it. mainly i love the unconditional love that i have for Damen. i never know i could love someone so much. he will be 4 months on the 3rd. growing up so fast! :)

though i hate having him go to the sitters. what if he gets hurt? what if he crys? what if he just wants mom and im no where around? all of these are things i think about as i work or get daily tasks done without 'D' man by my side. However the little break is very nice and refreshing! i will not lie lol.

i miss his newbornness but i am also enjoying this almost fun time stage. i love that he reaches for things, rolls over, holds a bottle, and swings on a swing. i get sad, mad, just upset overall that his father misses all this. secretly i dont want him in daycare cuz what if he crawls for the first time and im not there. how can i miss that!? but his father misses all of this. its not his fault, i will say that. he is stationed in GA so i dont get mad at him, but i feel bad that he doesnt get to enjoy this time. idk...

i would never change anything in the world about being a mom. i love it. its hard work, and quite expensive but i enjoy every part of it.

improvement

so i have decided i need to become a better person all aroundt. not that im a bad person, i just want to improve mentally, physically, emotionally, all of that. i just know that im not finished working on me. and time is even shorter now, expecially since i have had my son, I love him he's my angel. but i really wish i could of finished working on me first so i could do better with providing him a good future. college would of been cool, its just gonna have to wait for a bit now. im not sure what my complete calling is... i love to help and make people happy. i love working for the lighthouse, i just wish it was in a different location, where my family will be. well i guess its kinda like a family. idk im not going to get technical. but anyways i just wanna improve. and i guess im kinda just babbling but thats ok, thats blogging right.

how i can and want to improve on mentally:
`look into/start online schooling
`read more 'educational' books
`take my boards for cosmotology
`gain a broader vocabulary

how i can and want to improve on physically:
`do my tony hortons ten minute workouts
`walk more
`crunches
`run
`join a gym
`take exercise classes

how i can and want to improve on emotionally:
`be more understanding
`not assume
`

everything changes

my life continuasly changes. nothing seems to go the same. my life changes, my career changes, my family constantly changes. im ready for life to stop spinning and just stay in one place for awhile. i've moved 5 times in the past year. expecially now that i have a son i guess i really need to stay put somewhere, start a routine. its kind of hard, because i havn't had a routine since high school. well besides the army, you don't got a choice there. so i'm trying to do this routine thing. im not quite sure how i want to do it or how i want to start it... but i need to and im going to.

Questions & Answers

The Simple Stuff
Username:: almost perfect
Name:: Carla
Wearing:: cute black tights and hot red top
Eye Colour:: hazel
Hair Colour:: dark brown
Are You Wearing Make-up?: lip gloss (cant go without it)
Are You Listening To Music?: yeah
Ethnicity:: white...and i mean white lol
Are You Tanned?: normally yes
What Is Your Natural Hair Colour?: dirty blonde/light ass brown
Do You Have Nail Polish On?: no, had drill
Eating:: velveeta mac n cheese
Drinking:: cool aid
Is It Hot Or Cold?: cold... snowed in!!
Favourites:
Colour?: green??
Hair Colour?: dark
Hair Style?: crazy sex hair
Shop?: addicted.. possibly
Place To Be?: walmart LMAO
Sancuary?: curled up in a blanket
Relative?: my lol bro
Friend?: you know who yinz are!!!
City?: not sure
Country?: the U.S. of A
Drink?: red bull
Alcoholic Drink?: jeager bombs lol
Food?: crab legs
Seat In The Car?: drivers
Band?: KILL DINOSAUR KILL
Song?: it wasnt me
Musician?: van morrison
Artist?: me
Author?: mary higgins clark
Website?: myspace lol
Movie?: not sure
Animal?: sloth
Game?: mancola
Fantasy?: you in a jagr or crosbey jersey
Time Of Day?: noon
Time Of Night?: 9
Do You/Have You?
Drink?: love it
Smoke?: nope
Do Drugs? not me
Wet The Bed?: no
Lie?: fib but rarely
Cheat?: never
Brush Your Teeth?: duh
Brush Your Hair?: sometimes lol
Have A Pet?: bugs!! my perverted kitty
Have A Pool?: nada
Cut? no
Tried To Commit Suicide?: never, my life is too important
Wish You Were Someone Else?: i like being me!!
Wish You Were Somewhere Else?: yes i hate this town.
Wish You Had A Different Family?: could i trade the dad??
Get Good Grades?: in school yeah..
Have A Job?: soldier in the army reserves, resident manager, americorps member
Been Skinnydipping?: lmao at ashleys
Been On Stage:: of course
Sing?: all the time.. keep me away from karaoke night
Dance?: daily
Give Speeches?: only when beth makes me
Met A Famous Person?: yes. bettis.
Lost Your Voice?: yes
Had Detention?: haha once in high school
Been Expelled?: lol yes long story
Been Yelled At By A Teacher?: yes
Yelled At A Teacher?: no just argued
Been In A Fight At School?: no
Skipped School?: lol all the time
Pulled A Sickie?: duh
Had A Fight With Your Parents?: um yeah
Had Sex?: no, mother teresa lmao, i do have a son on the way
Are You?
Attractive?: yes
Loud?: in bed?? lol
Quiet?: sometimes
Shy?: with ppl i dont know or a large amount of ppl, except when im drinkin
Outgoing?: yeah
Religious?: kinda
Suicidal?: no
Homicidal?: no
A Good Role Model?: yes
Random:
Do You Like Yourself?: yes
Do You Believe In Yourself?: yeah, sometimes get doubts
Are You IN Love?: no
Have You Been In Love?: yes
Do You Have A Crush?: maybe
Have You Ever Had A Crush On A Teacher?: no lol
How Many Brothers And Sisters Do You Have?: 2
What Sexuality Are You?: straight
Who's Your Icon? no one
What's Your Favourite Saying?: huh??
Are You Male Or Female?: female
Do You Want To Be A Different Gender?: sometimes, cuz a guy doesnt have as many worries
Do You Ever Wonder What The Other Sex Thinks About?: no, i already know, always around guys
What's Your Favourite Genre Of Music?: not sure...
Do You Get Along With Your Parents?: my mother
Do You Buy CDs Or Download Them?: both
Do You Believe In God?: yes
Satan?: yes
Angels?: yes
Demons?: its a possibility
Ghosts? maybe
Aliens?: no
Reincarnation?: thats weird
Karma?: of course!!
Fate?: sometimes
Do You Shave Or Wax?: both
Do You Want To Get Married?: yes, i want a family more then anything, but im willing to be patient
Do You Want To Have Kids?: damen's on the way!!
Do You Dream Of 'The White Picket Fence'?: no not rele

UPDATE, i should have my own news...

so.. i went to church the other week. i got to see vern ?recommited? to bakerstown alliance. yay! i was so excited for him. dr. morledge (sp) made me laugh... though i didnt know him n vern went way back. but i was happy. its kinda weird for vern to be leaving the lighthouse but i have good faith in dan. (back to my topic) it felt so good to be in 'the house of God' though i dont know if it was concidered a service... they didnt do communion (do they do communion???) so i may not have technically ATTENDED a service. but i plan on doing so and MORE. gradually, it kinda feels like learning to swim, one step at a time. i think its hard to get involved cuz im shy and dont know the ins and outs. heck if i went to a catholic church id be a pro!! :)
but im doing something new. and out of everyone i know there (not a lot but still!) i really seem to like. they all seem supportive and 'family like'

yes, somehow i sit here STILL pregnant. geez what the heck. the dr didnt even see if i dialated anymore. (the other week i was 1cm!!!)
though i now have all the baby stuff ready (i think!!) and according to ashley ive been very hormonal and MEAN... (lol oops) but shes right, which is why i need all the prayers to have my baby before super bowl SUNDAYY!! hey... dont wanna be cranky during that. ANd not to start labor during the game, cuz thats just my luck.

my brother is in a band KDK Kill dinosaur kill (what a pleasant name) lol they did 2 shows so far.. its cute.. im ean RAD lol. its nice though, to see how happy my bro is to see me in the crowd (which isnt big) but once he sees me he sees his support :) so it makes me feel all warm inside (like i did a good thing or something) but hes my lil bro of course im there for him.. but he has a big show the 30th so if youd like to come!!!

my mom has some things going on (which i cant mention) it bothers me, and i pray everything is okay. she makes me worried, sometimes i feel like her mother. but yeah...

this is all the updates that i can think of and everything on my mind at the moment...

a new bundle of joy is on the way!!!

so... its the 18th... only days left (what happened to the MONTHS) february 9th is coming fast.
I HAVE NOTHING PREPARED.. and yet im on the computer blogging...

so today i put up the pack n play (i have to use the bassinet on it til i get a crib); his socks, sleepers and going home outfit are in the wash now (yay go me). im bout to do his dresser :) i want dinosaurs, but everything is pooh. soo pooh it is lol.
im just putting him in my room for now, the other room can b storage.
i cant wait im sooo excited. my sons going to be here finally!!!

its finally decided..

so i totally and officially picked out the name. Damen Dakota. <3 yay!