wow...

wow christmas. i always get so excited cuz i get to see my family. hmm... why... i wonder... i cant seem to figure it out, cuz my dad just sits there and makes faces, immediatly pissed off because im here. well im done. i dont know wat to do anymore. its christmas, at least return a hello. i said hi, and all he does is put on a pissed off face. ITS CHRISTMAS for gods sake just at least give a fake hello.
well ill blog how it goes... its only christmas eve. this will be interesting.

Sex and the City

so youve watched sex and the city right... well sometimes that seems like my life.
well before i lost my major social life... but i still have one
but i watch it, and just realize wow.. i should so be on here. exvept id be the virginal one, but having a very interesting dark side. not like a bad person but you know.
its very interesting to me, the way women work. we are weird, obsessive, jealous, compolsive, have to be perfect, try and hide all our flaws, the list could just go on and on...
but we females are another species. i remember 'playing' the guys. dressing a little edgy. going to the bar and just misbehaving.
i talk about it like it was years ago... lol well only months.
i know i talk about men like im discussing a movie. i know im complicated as all heck

i dont like guys that like me; i want to have to work for a mans affection. meaning i want him to experience the whole and real me before even sayin he likes me. if he likes me before he does its an automatic no go. i dont want things easy, and he dont know the full coplicated me that shows me: he is not picky and does not choose wisely.

a man watches a girl, talks with a girl, then can fall for here. i mean sure there is some lust at first sight, but i want to create that lust. i want a man i can show 'wow i wanna be with her' not a 'shes hot i wanna hit that' NO GO! i do not want an ignorant slob..

i cant lie, i can talk trashier than a man about a man im eyein up (eye candy) but just because hes hot and id love to see his body does NOT mean im bout to 'pounce on him' ima wait watch him for a bit (not stockerish and not obvious) look at his expression. is he looking talkative, sexual, pissed? i usually go for the 2nd one. not for the reason y oure probably thinking. but a man that is too talkative will never let me get a word in or listen to my opinion. hes a pissy man, hes just gonna make me upset and feel like i always gotta please him, but if hes sexual, you can tame a sexual man. Sexual men usually want to always please a woman (not talkin sex) but the want to see you pleased, happy, content. you can teach them to respect you as in your wishes (no sex before marriage, engagement, whatever)

but thats all for now. i have xmas at my house 2maro and need to get cleaning

christmas (stole from beth)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
wrapping paper
2. Real tree or Artificial?
real, no one likes fake things...
5. Do you like eggnog?
gross
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
not sure, i was always appreciative n loved everything
7. Hardest person to buy for?
my br0
8. Easiest person to buy for?
serena
9. Do you have a nativity scene?
of course, except jesus looks misshapen
10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
i always fill them out and always forget to mail them!!!
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
ugh when i was 16 my aunt got me this pony shirt (like an 8 yr old would wear) my mom MADE me WEAR IT!!!
12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
the grinch stole xmas
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
the week b4 xmas
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
dont think so...
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
everything!
16. Lights on the tree?
of course
17. Favorite Christmas song?
its cold outside, its so seductive
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
home, well travel to the parents and grandparents lol
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
of course!!!
20. Angel on the tree-top or star?
star, from the DG lol (dollar general)
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
morning.. well technically eve cuz id sneak out and open some
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
its cold
23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
no. i like random
24. Favorite food for Christmas dinner?
turkey or chicken
25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
nothing for me. just stuff for my son (bottles! breast feeding stuff)

a big day with not a lot to do...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My mom, dad, brother, grandma and grandfather (all are carl and corole)
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
yesterday, my dad chewed me out...
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
umm idk its handwriting... its not like "wow, look how i made that 't'"
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
turkey breast... sliced and diced
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
expecting a baby boy!!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
of course! i would go on a tv show to be bffs with me (like paris)
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
it depends on the day and what mood im in.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
i would love to!!
10. WHAT IS YOUR favorite CEREAL?
LUCKY CHARMS!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
yes. because i retie them when i put them on and i cant stand when ppl break the backs of their shoes..
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Theres strong, then theres ARMY STRONG hooah!!
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
nutty buttys
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?
their hair, their teeth, and what theyre wearing
15. RED OR PINK?
red, its so BAM
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
that im shy, it makes me seem stuck up and i also loose opportunities cuz of it
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Nana banana rip
18. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
black
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
idk im always eating
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW ?
the beautiful sounds of my keyboard
21.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
almond
22. FAVORITE SMELLS?
guys AX, mistletoe kisses
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
josh, well fell asleep txtin him
24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
penguins!! whoop whoop
25. HAIR COLOR?
my natural is dirty blonde, however i color it and its cappuccino
26. EYE COLOR?
hazel, mainly green
27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
on special occasions
28. FAVORITE FOOD?
rare steak, crab legs and pizza
29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
depends. im not a sucker for sappy movies
30. LAST MOVIE WATCHED?
the traveling pants 2
31 WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
RED!
32. SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter
33. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs, they mean so much more, and after a rough day a hug is just so calming
34. FAVORITE DESSERT?
hersheys chocolate pie
35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
the quran
37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
THE SIMPSONS season 9
38. FAVORITE SOUND?
electric guitar
39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
this is a toughy
40. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
kansas? or florida? not sure which is considered farther
41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
yes...

popcicle sticks and wax strips

what an eventful night! i let one of my girl friends wax me.
*ok right there you know BIG MISTAKE*
miss mydock bought the professional waxing kit (so it wasnt one of those microwavable ones BIG DIFFERENCE) so i figured id let her wax me (my legs, wasnt tryin anything else). Not that she's bad at it, but it was a very painful experience! yes, we did take pictures :)
it was very akward, not to mention i was in this dress thing and cant lay down on my belly like you normally would. so she got a nice butt shot. its a good thing we're good friends. i was in the most akward positions. AND THEN I POPPED A HIP lol. now i feel like im 80.
needless to say you may not be able to picture this if u dont know me n serena very well, however, if you do youre def picturin' this and totally embarrased for me. lol

it was a fun girls night though

painful.. very painful. shes not touching nething else. DONT DO IT. and you people that get anything else waxed are NUTS!
But now my legs are nice and smooth. But sore and red still.

i just dont know *please comment*

how come everytime i blog i just seem to think abbas... i dont get it. maybe its cuz he changed my life tremendously. i dont know and i know it probably gets annoying but i just cant help it. i talked to him again today and we are getting along much better. he actually seems to be getting excited cuz 'im gin to georgia' Well i havnt actually made my decision yet. im leanin towards no, but when i think about it with noone elses opinion my choice is 'savannah here i come.'
this is why i dont want to leave
- i just got the rm position and i feel like if i say yes ill screw the lighthouse over
*however i know that i cant let that make me say no, but i feel so guilty

-i can transfer my americore place
*however i like the lighthouse

-im scared ill have the baby by myself
*ima strong woman, i can handle it plus i can have a friend come down

-what if its not his
*ill still be in ga where jay is

-it will be akward for him to talk to other girls
*i have to be okay with that sometime

-i still love him
*that scares me

-hes excited and ok with me not working
*is he having thoughts about us?

-IM SO CONFUSED!!! a lot of me says go down. however if i come back to pa i woulnt have a job to return to and thats why i really dont wanna go... BUT I REALLY DO WANNA GO

*it will be great for my son, to be near dad... but i dont have to be 'with' his dad

my gut my head and my heart are leading toward yes
my friends and my job are leadin me towards no

***********big thing***************

even if i do go, i will be in pa quite a bit. i got april, may, n june cuz of a friend gettin married that ill be in pa!!

so ill b here quite a bit and my friends n family are here so its not like im never gonna visit. and im gonna have quite a bit o time on my hands so ill be calling everyone

'This is why im hot'

this is why im hot.. i hot cuz im fly, you aint cuz you NOT.....
this is why im hot *just keep reading now that u hopefully have the song in your head*
I am who i am, you dont like it.. i dont give a *dang*

no but seriously... i hate all these fake people. the ones who try to be gangster but really live on a farm n ride horses all day. The ones who act all big and bad but come home and play with Mr Snuggles their new puppy. The ones who lie to feel like theyre fitting in.

So this is why im 'hot'
im fly. lol nah. im me, and i dont care. im not mean, not ignorant, not judgemental, not fake, obviously flawed, not superficial. i love to shop but only buy cheap stuff, im a bargain hunter. im random as all heck. i try to improve myself daily. i attempt to go to church (i find every reason not to go..like im too tired), i work A LOT, im very close with my brother, im one of the best friends someone could have (not being full of myself) but i am im always there to lean on, i hate to say no.

ALTHOUGH
i get cranky, i need my hershey pie, if my bathroom is gross i tweak, my car falls off, i have add, im very random (that can be a very good or bad thing) i dont have the patience like i used to, i lose my keys and purse at least 3 timesa day, but most of these are temporary and should go away come february. i am terrible with names (always been like that, dont get offended) im bad with faces. ill know something about u before i know you to see you.

yeah so thats probthe most random blog ever. im going to bed i have to be up in 7 hours... man i cant wait to just sleep for a whole day. <-- thats the crankiness im talkin about.

the bonton

so i tried to get fired from the bonton the other day. it didnt work. dang them! i was to work 8am to 5pm. thats a crazy long shift. like i said in an earlier blog i have no idea why i am working there again. so i fell asleep crazy late, i went out the night before and watched most of baby mamma. then went home to sleep n my kid kept kickin. needless to say i didnt go to sleep til very late. i slept til 8 (serena woke me up) and fell right back asleep. i ended up going into work at 1pm with the hormones raging and like i freakin have to go to work... i was just like cant they just fire me and let me go home i just WANT TO SLEEP.
my bed and blanket have become my best friends.
however needless to say the managers did not fire me. and now i still work 2maro until 9pm. redic!!!
why cant they just fire me already, i mean i need the cash but standing for 8 hours just isnt for me, maybe if theyd let me sit.

my latest offer...

i got a text the other day... from Abbas. i was shocked, suprised, nervous and happy all at the same time, but mainly nervous. "why is he calling me?" we havnt talked for a crazy long time. so i was confused... *yikes* he started asking me random questions. all weird and i still didnt get his point. but he finally got to the point and asked me if id move to georgia. SAVANNAH its freakin gorgeous down there. however living with your ex-fiance would be kinda akward. i mean we'd get along and have seperate bedrooms. but idk. itd be good for my son. akward for me but my son comes first and like i said it would be good for him. so idk. i still have awhile to decide.

the BONTON

yes, its THE bonton.
wow so i work there right. that was my first job the week i turned 16. worked there til february 2007. QUIT. was happy. i liked my management (well except for 2). i liked the staff. i hated the pay. hated the merchandise. actually i dont remember anything i really liked. i just went, it was work.
ok so i was done and i was happy. well like 2 months ago i decided "i need a parttime job" hmm what an idea let me tell you.

needless to say, guess where my job is... the BONTON. and for christmas season... EXCUSE ME, the holiday season (cant say christmas)

so now i have to get ready, i work 9 45 - 1 something in missies.

rare steak and popeys chicken

yumm... steak nice and bloody... yummm.... popeyes chicken... yum...

so i decided to buy steak the other week at walmart, cuz goin out n ordering it is just getting too expensive and i just crave it all too much.
WELL... im picky i dont like fat (its utterly disgusting and if i put it in my mouth i gag) but i attempted to cook it n it just didnt work. i

AAAHHHH!!!

this stupid stupid car!!! grr!!! do you know that I had to jump it 3 times today... i had to wake bri up at 7 somethin, then i got off work at 2:25 and had a marine jump me. then the thing locked up on me, i couldnt turn the wheel and push in the break. my bro met me (wow was i suprised) n hes usually a jerk to me but he fixed it. and then told me i was leaking antifreeze (and i am, well the car is). so hopefully it stops. but yeah that is my vent. i hate my car. and i mean i appreciate it, but it makes me so MAD!!! grr

on a happy note.. i bought an elmer fudd hat!! woo! it plaid!!

baby shower <3

wow.. now i really cant wait for my son to get here. Saturday was my baby shower. I was quite nervous. I dont like everyones attention on me, just like public speaking YUCK. so i was very anxious. MY GIRLS ARE AMAZING!
everything looked cute and the cake was delicious. it was nice to see a lot of my family there. some of them are very supportive and others dont mention it. I want to thank everyone for everything. Everyones been so helpful.
*but apparently bumber pads can cause SIDS*---- isnt that just weird to think about.
mom is getting much better and is quite helpful... but dad (nevermind, i could go on 4 hours).
but it was fun and nice to see the family again, some i havnt seen since b4 i left for basic *yikes* the food was delicious and it was fun, i munched quite a bit. ps i did get heartburn from my mothers chicken.

so i have to tell you...

the other day when i went to buy stamps (yes i finally bought them!) i had to cross an old lady across the road. i always thought that was just something funny, but here she actually asked me to walk her across (however she didnt pick the best spot to cross) she was trying to cross main street by the post office.. not even at the end of the corner/block. but she really appreciated it and it showed me.. wow. but i just had to say cuz it was kinda weird.

Scrapbooking

okay so i love scrapbooking. i just went and bought a new book and stickers, but now i am stumped on what i want to do... this makes me frusturated. maybe its cuz my stickers dont match my new pages, or maybe its cuz im so scatterbrained (i heard this word from a friend and it fits me to a t, so im going to use it ) i dont know. i was doing that and somehow i ended up on the computer (not even in the same area or room) and i really want to do it but i just looked at all my stuff just puzzled. Wow :) i get overwelmed. but its ok. it keeps me entertained. BUT i really would like to start me new scrapbook (i feel like i just got a shopping spree!!)
hopefully ill get atleast a page done... hopefully

Candle Party!!!!

yay im having a candle party. im way excited. not about the candles, but just about having some friends n family over. yay yay yay. and i cooked. well i burnt the pumpkin pie (didnt know you cooked pumpkin pie) and i made a veggie tray and punch and cookies!! lol im stoked. i never thought id be this excited. well i havnt seen some family since before i left for the army (july of '07) so its been awhile. at the same time im nervous... what are they gonna think about my cooking, my furniture, my apt, how i do things. it all makes me nervous. and theyre all gonna bring up my pregnancy and that makes me nervous as well. maybe ill take a nap... YES! lol

about the ex's....

Let me tell you... I've only had a couple 'serious' relationships (id say 2 real serious ones) and the one we were friends before we were "bf/gf" and have been talking before my junior year (so we dated for quite awhile) and didnt break up til i left for the army (there were points here n there that we were just 'dating' but we never dated anyone else besides the other). Aparently long distant relationships didnt work for him. BUT we remained friends. Then once i got home we dated again (yes people i know we always ended up back together) :) But hes up in Erie for college now and im fine with us being just friends, but then he started dating this slussy (with the same name as me!) and she now i guess forbids us to even be friends. UGH. so lame. i dont want him, but hes one of my BFFs and im one of his. So i dont understand how she can do that. I could see if i was getting all up on him, but im not. Because i know hes not ready for what im going through, and thats cool i totally understand. But this is just urking me BAD!!
but honestly im friends with all my exs except the BD (babys daddy) and i think its ok. Because we dont talk like 'that' so you females that are totally controlling need to get over it. Guys have friends that are girls and girls have friends that may be your boyfriend. Get over it.
*pc*

Let me tell you!

so, im currently a pennsylvania driver (and yes im registered to vote). I am driving an Oldsmobile Station Wagon. Well let me tell you about this station wagon.. I HATE IT!! well maybe its the driver and not the car. But driving is quite interesting for me. Its like my life something always goes wrong (it keeps things interesting i guess). I havnt had my license that long... and so far today i hit a curb and got a flat tire and couldnt find the doughnut or anything so i had to call Vern and make him come back to Butler (thank you vern, youre a lifesaver!!!). We changed it (well mainly vern, i helped out the bolt things on and off and watched :) ). Over the weekend i almost hit a guy in a wheelchair (although it was 11 at night and he was driving down the middle of the road.. THIS IS WHY THEY INVENTED SIDEWALKS!!!) lol but i didnt hit him, Thank God. Ive already gotten pulled over (thank you Josh) aparently it was a no left turn zone, luckily i just got a warning. Ive gotten lost quite a bit. I got lost around walmart, somehow i landed on a BIG road. Just everyday its just something. I want to get a limo and hire a driver. that would be amazing. Because ive come to a conclusion... I HATE driving.

So i think its leg is deformed :/

ok so i keep looking at this ultrasound and i think his leg is deformed. LOOK at it. its not the umbilical cord, and its def not his boy parts... so it has to be his leg. or maybe he has a ginornous foot. o this worries me. well it worries me cuz i cant figure out what it is. i mean seriously it has to be his leg. i dont know. well ill ask the dr tomarrow. see what she says.

President Bush

haHEM (clearing the throat)
bush... lets see... where should i start. well first im gonna start by saying i respect everyones opinions. Cuz theyre opinions and i know if you disagree you know nothing about this... so i will excuse you.
this war...
my battles are being killed for NOTHING anymore.
i have lots of friends over there.. for what reason???

George Bush why dont you answer that question.

and all these people running for president and vice "the troops will come home" and "their deployment will be shorter" YET they 'FORGET' to tell you that with troops coming home, they just have to send other soldiers over. And with their deployment being shorter, theyre all just gonna be deployed more often.

IF we could just pull out obviously we would. but this isnt sex and we cant. unless we bomb the crap out of the country but then we would be killing lots of innocent people who are just doing what were doing... PROTECTING their COUNTRY and PEOPLE!!

grrr......

this makes me so mad! and all parties envolved make me mad. grr...!

*big deep breath*

well that is just some of my thoughts i could go on forever but im not going to cuz this would end up a book and not a blog.

LIFE

i have to say, i have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever have. yeah some are dorks, some have bad habits, some are just nuts lol but they are awesome! they are the best family anyone could ever have! sometimes i dont always get to see em but that doesnt mean i dont love them. and they know that. I had some of the hardest times, yet my friends were always there for me. I cant tell you how many times they 'snuck' me out (*future reference, when my sons grounded nail the windows shut*) lol i practically lived at megs, ashs, n ryans. lol and then i somehow made it to the Blanchard house. Then i made a new set of friends (well a new addition of friends) some who got me in trouble (the boys lol) and some who led me to where i am today (MOIST! haha) and a newer friend who comes with me to my appts.

AND whats amazing... my friends welcome me into their family. Ive never felt loved before... and to have someone who isnt related and wants to involve you in things is just amazing.

So i want to say thank you!

*kinda makes me want to sing that one agulara song lol*

but seriously without all yinz, who knows where id be today. I didnt get left when i went through my troubled phase, yinz just supported me more and helped me cross that bridge. My friends where there through everything... my dad (im not gonna bring that up), getting kicked out of the house, being grounded cuz he didnt want to see my face, getting expelled, trying new things, getting sexually harassed at the tax place, miscarrying, joining the army, graduating beauty school, leaving for the army, supporting me while i was gone, and all support me and my son. AMAZING. God gave me what seemed to be a crappy hand, but it turned into a full house.
He gave me the best gift ever... LIFE.

i may have very little, but at the same time i have a lot.

This upcoming month

hmm.. for some reason this months is quite packed. somehow i always end up at the lighthouse, even when im not to be working... like today i didnt leave til 9... 9! its ok i enjoy it. However i just got offered a new job!! but i cant tell any1 yet. Its so hard, cuz its something i want to tell the girls but i cant. I hate secrets, this is why i could never be the president. not that i woulnt be cuz someday maybe someday ill get the chance to run then drop out like Clinton. haha.
wow me blogging. i really have no life anymore huh? normally id never do this (woulda never wanted to or had time to) but i am. geez. but now im on my 2nd blog of the day... i just wrote one like an hour ago. I was gon head to bed but I just have too much on my mind. so as you can see, im blogging!! i just had to mention that.
well ima start "cleaning" i say it and we all know ima get distracted and end up doing something else like watchin tv, readin or talkin on the phone. ok im done.

This is what I know...

math is fun... english is bothersome... this ramsey class is entertaining yet boring but useful. I enjoy spending my money, not saving it. But I know now the benefits of saving. and Im gonna save!! or atleast attempt to lol. I still enjoy shopping though, but that kinda ruins the shopping part. Im a bargain shopper to begin with, but then limiting my shopping problem is a PROBLEM. I love shopping, i shop when im happy, when im sad, mad, anxious and extatic.
But im gonna go to all 13 classes!!! wahoo lol. now i can be a millionare jk. But close to one.

hmm i didnt do much today. im on the phone with my one girl friend now, boy dilemma... yuck. see this is why i dont talk/date/marry anyone. i cant deal with their drama. cant deal with the cheating and dishonesty. Not that all guys are like that, just all guys that come my way. But thats why we have friends :) and that makes me happy enough... well for now.

this entry is quite random... i apoligize in advance...

but i got to see my brother the other day!!! he is such a cutie. he looks like a boy now, got rid of his long girl hair... kinda depressing.

im getting a new car eventually. hopefully it goes up the hills on the interstate. this ghetto station wagon just aint doin' it lol. i feel like i should be in the brady bunch or something... now i just need like 8 more kids haha.

thank goodness for speaker phone... now i can multitask. i dont know what people did in the 40s... i woulda died. no cell phone, only rich people had tvs, no computers or laptops.. NO GPS'!!!

im trying to get my friend to start blogging. its kinda destressing :) although i feel like im talking to myself.. and i guess its more like talking to myself but in my head. i know this blog is kinda random and yourre probably thinking 'this girls weird' lol but its the way i am. i get in very random moods now a days and feel like a chicken without its head. but at the same time it entertains me. with out my randomness and 'scatterbrain' (haha bobbi) i would be so bored. i can entertain myself with almost anything.

and now im coming to the conclusion that my title really has nothing to do with this entry... but im giving you facts of what i know (if i know it for a fact, it is something i know and therefore... this is what i know) yikes! honestly ppl like that kill me... trying to be all smart n crap and really theyre dumber than a rock. me, i just admit what im terrible at. Its a skill, i like to call it honesty and being modest. haha. well im off. time to go to bed.

this whole pregnancy thing

well let me first start and say i love my son with every bit of my heart. It hard being patient and waiting for him to 'arrive.'
ok i absolutely hate being pregnant (however, dont forget my first sentence!) i cant wait to wear my real clothes again. I want to have my innie belly button back. I absolutely hate lactating... i said it and i hate it and its GROSS. I want to be able to touch chemicals and not worry about what i eat. I hate all this hair, i feel like im just gonna wake up as a man! I want to bend over without it hurting or almost falling over. I want to be able to have a drink (when im 21 i mean...)if i want to. I hate that i missed the amusement parks. I just feel so incompitent and such and inconvenience. I cant lift stuff anymore, i just feel so useless.
And i hate that im moving (im excited to move) but i hate that i have to ask people to come and move my stuff for me because im not allowed to lift it.
I dont mean to complain but i just need to say it...
and its not that my childs an inconvenience, but i feel like IM the inconvenience for everyone else.

But here are the pros...
*itll be the first time im allowed to get 'fat' and eat as much as i want
*i get to go baby shopping
*i get to wear sweats to work
*i get to have a baby shower giving by some amazing friends
*i have the chance to be a GREAT mother
*IM GOING TO HAVE AN AMAZING WONDERFUL BABY BOY!!!!!!!!!

i am very excited! dont get me wrong, but i just cant wait to be not pregnant...

REMEMBER... it started with a kiss and ended up like THIS (pregnant)

and as i tell my lil brother girls are bad for you... CUZ holding hands leads to hugging, and hugging leads to kissing, and kissing leads to BABIES!!!

Changes that will gradually and hopefully occur

I think i want to make some changes in my life. Becoming a mother will be a great change, but Im talking spiritually and emotionally as well. I want to gain all the knowledge I can. I want to continue my education. Beauty school and the army isn't enough. I want a challenge, I want a great accomplishment. I would like to learn more about the Bible, God and all the teachings. I want to be a leader, Im done being the quiet one. Its time for me to speak up. I want to help people, teach them that they can be better. We all can (yes including me) it just takes willpower to achieve it.
I went to the Silver Ring Thing on Friday and suprisingly I really enjoyed it. It made me think a lot. I got quite a couple odd looks while i was in there and pregnant. Yes, I did feel very akward at first, but then I just thought 'you know what everyone makes mistakes' not that my son on the way is a mistake (it was a big suprise though) but that I wanted to change. I wanted sex to be special again. I want to wait for the man of my dreams, will he ever come i dont know, but i think im willing to wait. It will be something im not used to. Im not a tramp or a hussy, but I made that decision with my "boyfriend at the time being" I just kinda figure and think; everyone has sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend, its normal... but really it may be common, but its not lawful. I really hope i make it til marriage. I need a lot of willpower and prayer, ive got a lot of hormones so its something i will need to keep reminding myself that the next time i have sex its going to be special.
I started going back to church. A christian one at that. I learn more then i do at a Catholic mass. I am trying to attend every Sunday. It doesnt always work out that way, I always seem to find an excuse. Me wanting to sleep in is the biggest obsticle, i aint gonna lie. If i could sleep 75% of the day, i would. I am still attempting to read the bible. Actually even as a Catholic, i really look at the Muslim religion. My ex was Muslim, so i learned all about it and they have amazing beliefs as well. So i read quite a bit of the Quran. Sunday ill miss church (ill be in pittsburgh) as well as the following Sunday.
Another big change is I want to go to school. I may have this good oppertunity, and if i take it i will be able to go to school full time. How amazing would that be!! Right now i just cant do it. But if i get this opportunity i will be able to with no problems. And while having a baby!
There's a lot more id like to change and work on, but these are the biggest. I could go on for hours. Its not that i want to change who i am, i just want to IMPROVE.