LIFE

i have to say, i have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever have. yeah some are dorks, some have bad habits, some are just nuts lol but they are awesome! they are the best family anyone could ever have! sometimes i dont always get to see em but that doesnt mean i dont love them. and they know that. I had some of the hardest times, yet my friends were always there for me. I cant tell you how many times they 'snuck' me out (*future reference, when my sons grounded nail the windows shut*) lol i practically lived at megs, ashs, n ryans. lol and then i somehow made it to the Blanchard house. Then i made a new set of friends (well a new addition of friends) some who got me in trouble (the boys lol) and some who led me to where i am today (MOIST! haha) and a newer friend who comes with me to my appts.

AND whats amazing... my friends welcome me into their family. Ive never felt loved before... and to have someone who isnt related and wants to involve you in things is just amazing.

So i want to say thank you!

*kinda makes me want to sing that one agulara song lol*

but seriously without all yinz, who knows where id be today. I didnt get left when i went through my troubled phase, yinz just supported me more and helped me cross that bridge. My friends where there through everything... my dad (im not gonna bring that up), getting kicked out of the house, being grounded cuz he didnt want to see my face, getting expelled, trying new things, getting sexually harassed at the tax place, miscarrying, joining the army, graduating beauty school, leaving for the army, supporting me while i was gone, and all support me and my son. AMAZING. God gave me what seemed to be a crappy hand, but it turned into a full house.
He gave me the best gift ever... LIFE.

i may have very little, but at the same time i have a lot.

This upcoming month

hmm.. for some reason this months is quite packed. somehow i always end up at the lighthouse, even when im not to be working... like today i didnt leave til 9... 9! its ok i enjoy it. However i just got offered a new job!! but i cant tell any1 yet. Its so hard, cuz its something i want to tell the girls but i cant. I hate secrets, this is why i could never be the president. not that i woulnt be cuz someday maybe someday ill get the chance to run then drop out like Clinton. haha.
wow me blogging. i really have no life anymore huh? normally id never do this (woulda never wanted to or had time to) but i am. geez. but now im on my 2nd blog of the day... i just wrote one like an hour ago. I was gon head to bed but I just have too much on my mind. so as you can see, im blogging!! i just had to mention that.
well ima start "cleaning" i say it and we all know ima get distracted and end up doing something else like watchin tv, readin or talkin on the phone. ok im done.

This is what I know...

math is fun... english is bothersome... this ramsey class is entertaining yet boring but useful. I enjoy spending my money, not saving it. But I know now the benefits of saving. and Im gonna save!! or atleast attempt to lol. I still enjoy shopping though, but that kinda ruins the shopping part. Im a bargain shopper to begin with, but then limiting my shopping problem is a PROBLEM. I love shopping, i shop when im happy, when im sad, mad, anxious and extatic.
But im gonna go to all 13 classes!!! wahoo lol. now i can be a millionare jk. But close to one.

hmm i didnt do much today. im on the phone with my one girl friend now, boy dilemma... yuck. see this is why i dont talk/date/marry anyone. i cant deal with their drama. cant deal with the cheating and dishonesty. Not that all guys are like that, just all guys that come my way. But thats why we have friends :) and that makes me happy enough... well for now.

this entry is quite random... i apoligize in advance...

but i got to see my brother the other day!!! he is such a cutie. he looks like a boy now, got rid of his long girl hair... kinda depressing.

im getting a new car eventually. hopefully it goes up the hills on the interstate. this ghetto station wagon just aint doin' it lol. i feel like i should be in the brady bunch or something... now i just need like 8 more kids haha.

thank goodness for speaker phone... now i can multitask. i dont know what people did in the 40s... i woulda died. no cell phone, only rich people had tvs, no computers or laptops.. NO GPS'!!!

im trying to get my friend to start blogging. its kinda destressing :) although i feel like im talking to myself.. and i guess its more like talking to myself but in my head. i know this blog is kinda random and yourre probably thinking 'this girls weird' lol but its the way i am. i get in very random moods now a days and feel like a chicken without its head. but at the same time it entertains me. with out my randomness and 'scatterbrain' (haha bobbi) i would be so bored. i can entertain myself with almost anything.

and now im coming to the conclusion that my title really has nothing to do with this entry... but im giving you facts of what i know (if i know it for a fact, it is something i know and therefore... this is what i know) yikes! honestly ppl like that kill me... trying to be all smart n crap and really theyre dumber than a rock. me, i just admit what im terrible at. Its a skill, i like to call it honesty and being modest. haha. well im off. time to go to bed.

this whole pregnancy thing

well let me first start and say i love my son with every bit of my heart. It hard being patient and waiting for him to 'arrive.'
ok i absolutely hate being pregnant (however, dont forget my first sentence!) i cant wait to wear my real clothes again. I want to have my innie belly button back. I absolutely hate lactating... i said it and i hate it and its GROSS. I want to be able to touch chemicals and not worry about what i eat. I hate all this hair, i feel like im just gonna wake up as a man! I want to bend over without it hurting or almost falling over. I want to be able to have a drink (when im 21 i mean...)if i want to. I hate that i missed the amusement parks. I just feel so incompitent and such and inconvenience. I cant lift stuff anymore, i just feel so useless.
And i hate that im moving (im excited to move) but i hate that i have to ask people to come and move my stuff for me because im not allowed to lift it.
I dont mean to complain but i just need to say it...
and its not that my childs an inconvenience, but i feel like IM the inconvenience for everyone else.

But here are the pros...
*itll be the first time im allowed to get 'fat' and eat as much as i want
*i get to go baby shopping
*i get to wear sweats to work
*i get to have a baby shower giving by some amazing friends
*i have the chance to be a GREAT mother
*IM GOING TO HAVE AN AMAZING WONDERFUL BABY BOY!!!!!!!!!

i am very excited! dont get me wrong, but i just cant wait to be not pregnant...

REMEMBER... it started with a kiss and ended up like THIS (pregnant)

and as i tell my lil brother girls are bad for you... CUZ holding hands leads to hugging, and hugging leads to kissing, and kissing leads to BABIES!!!

Changes that will gradually and hopefully occur

I think i want to make some changes in my life. Becoming a mother will be a great change, but Im talking spiritually and emotionally as well. I want to gain all the knowledge I can. I want to continue my education. Beauty school and the army isn't enough. I want a challenge, I want a great accomplishment. I would like to learn more about the Bible, God and all the teachings. I want to be a leader, Im done being the quiet one. Its time for me to speak up. I want to help people, teach them that they can be better. We all can (yes including me) it just takes willpower to achieve it.
I went to the Silver Ring Thing on Friday and suprisingly I really enjoyed it. It made me think a lot. I got quite a couple odd looks while i was in there and pregnant. Yes, I did feel very akward at first, but then I just thought 'you know what everyone makes mistakes' not that my son on the way is a mistake (it was a big suprise though) but that I wanted to change. I wanted sex to be special again. I want to wait for the man of my dreams, will he ever come i dont know, but i think im willing to wait. It will be something im not used to. Im not a tramp or a hussy, but I made that decision with my "boyfriend at the time being" I just kinda figure and think; everyone has sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend, its normal... but really it may be common, but its not lawful. I really hope i make it til marriage. I need a lot of willpower and prayer, ive got a lot of hormones so its something i will need to keep reminding myself that the next time i have sex its going to be special.
I started going back to church. A christian one at that. I learn more then i do at a Catholic mass. I am trying to attend every Sunday. It doesnt always work out that way, I always seem to find an excuse. Me wanting to sleep in is the biggest obsticle, i aint gonna lie. If i could sleep 75% of the day, i would. I am still attempting to read the bible. Actually even as a Catholic, i really look at the Muslim religion. My ex was Muslim, so i learned all about it and they have amazing beliefs as well. So i read quite a bit of the Quran. Sunday ill miss church (ill be in pittsburgh) as well as the following Sunday.
Another big change is I want to go to school. I may have this good oppertunity, and if i take it i will be able to go to school full time. How amazing would that be!! Right now i just cant do it. But if i get this opportunity i will be able to with no problems. And while having a baby!
There's a lot more id like to change and work on, but these are the biggest. I could go on for hours. Its not that i want to change who i am, i just want to IMPROVE.